Not sure if this is what you are expecting to hear but I tend to have the horrible habit of being honest no matter the circumstances and I can’t change who I am. You are at this critical juncture asking your pillow to help you clarify if your boyfriend should stick around for long, if he is your real love, the real and only one. The hurting dilemma wasn’t chosen and this new paradigm came into play on a random Sunday morning when having an unusually cold coffee. Your mind wants to believe that he probably is, but this doesn’t stop you from thinking if after all the time spent together, he is who will make you happy by the moment your doctor tells you to watch your cholesterol. You are not in a deeply painful situation, and there is no need for drama, but you are not glowing either. What you definitely don’t want is to be stuck in an unhealthy relationship for life. You wish you could know if your significant other is going in your same direction when thinking about the years to come. Could it be that he is this “other” someone who you did connect with in the past but the truth is that you are currently functioning under American voltage? Your heart has started warning you that your common flame might not be strong enough to keep you warm during the upcoming winter. You wonder as a counter though if that man of your dreams does exist out there. A quiet sensitive type but the kind of gentleman that if you are prepared to take a chance, you might just get to know an incredible, unusual soul: witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal. A little bit crazy, a little bit bad. How can you find what you are really looking for? Or you might have found it already but you are too afraid to break out with your past. Well, we don’t really know why we feel attracted to other people, it is such a good feeling that it is stupid to analyse it and you better enjoy it while it lasts. You can’t ignore the fact that you have started looking around for that attraction because it felt natural. Somewhere deep, you are still seeking for that incredible someone who will be able to share your dreams, understand your weaknesses and challenge you to continue growing together holding your hand in moments of blind jumping. Or was all this crap the main Walt Disney’s marketing propaganda? I definitely know people, who have found that person, but my knowledge is limited, and the sample I have access to, isn’t big enough – I hope that’s not also what she is worried about. We are missing data.
All of this random jibber-jabber won’t help you clarify your unceasing thoughts, neither your flirtation with that handsome who makes you to fantasise with the idea of a wild and carnal encounter. Even if you know that it will be an unforgettable adult game played by children, you think that it could be inappropriate but the closer you are to your boy the more you think about this spark that makes your cavities dream of sweeter kisses in your own half-hearted shared bed. You are a loyal, good person, and you dislike the unnecessary chaos that it could bring to your well balanced but monotonous life. Can someone explain if there is a sustainable solution for this uncertainty? If you ask me, and please never take my advice as the norm, I think that we are in constant evolution and we never remain static – not the globe nor us or our relationships – so angles differ at every point in time. I thought I had found my one 2.5 times to today so I am sceptic about the uniqueness and exclusivity for life. Am I probably a bit defensive? Most likely, but still think that it is more effective to define some parameters and focus on present development. Find a guy who will make you cry of laughter on a bad Tuesday after work, protect you during moments of weakness, someone who is always willing to improve his expertise in the noble art of cunnilingus and willing to leverage on your proficiency in dancing and cooks for you with no apparent reason. Considering happy endings? It won’t be my line, but I am of the opinion that you only learn by doing, trial and error, you hope for the best and you don’t pray.
Important information in life is not easily obtained and the steps for eternal happiness are hidden even for best self-help seller authors once they have cashed in on their last publication. Signing a new contract will help the cause, but to me, empathy and living passionately are the only two ingredients not to miss when cooking this global paella we all eat from.
Real love, like good sex, should be generous, selfless and timeless – while sex should also be explorative, never-ending, deep, vibrant and soaked in pleasure of a powerful fulfilling emotional connection. Ideally, should be able to have up to 3 showers: one before (depending on the moment of the day), one during and one after a mutually exhausting but renascenting act, which will re-align both your souls with the rest of the universe and will connect you with the Pachamama – the only proven existing God. There is solid research indicating that this feeling lasts up to 7 minutes. After this period, I suggest repeating the ritual all over again until you run out of chocolate, wine and/or isotonic beverages in your house (and the neighbours’), you have impeding horrible cramps or you fall sleep cuddled in happiness.
Don’t worry, there is no rush! You will know when you have found your one (the love); the orgasm will be more easily identified. Be brave, loyal to your heart, jump in with both feet and try not loose it during the experimenting phase, that’s the only secret I believe, exists. The path is the only thing that matters.
Photos: JotDown – Amarna Miller